2 Am, I'm Still Awake
by Tituba
Summary: Short one shot inspired by a song by Anna Nalick, but not containing the lyrics :). Thats about it, read and review please!


**Title:** 2 Am, I'm Still Awake

**Author:** Tituba

**Disclaimer:** The Characters I've borrowed from a little known book called Harry Potter, you may have heard of it.

**Summary:** Three years after the final battle with Voldemort, one character reflects.

**Author's note:** This is only my third attempt at a one shot, originally it was a songifc to Anna Nalick's "Breathe(2Am)", but I got the announcement that songfics aren't allowed anymore, a little late. So yeah this is inspired by and meant to be read while listening to/ reading the lyrics of her song, and it's formatted like a diary entry(obviously).Please review and tell me what you think.

Thanks a bunch,

Katherine Elizabeth

**2 Am, I'm Still Awake**

Dear Diary,

I've been having trouble sleeping again, and I'm starting to think that it's not temporary, like maybe I'll never get rid of these dreams that haunt me, and keep me from my peace. I've had a busy week, all sorts of old memories have been drudged up and I'm so tired, but I don't think sleep will come.

I took Ginny down to the Ministry on Monday, she called me in the middle of the night crying her eyes out about how she had made a mistake, and begging me to help her. Poor Michael Corner he still loves her I'm sure, but I think he understands that it wasn't meant to be. I remember their wedding like it was yesterday, the smell of jasmine flowers, and the icy chill of the December air, and the look on Draco Malfoy's face as he stood near the edge of the Hogwarts lake looking on at the ceremony in sadness, as the girl he loved married another man.  
How I wish she had listened to me when I told her she was making a mistake. I knew she loved him, she knew she loved him; I think even Michael knew that he wasn't the one. But life has a way of doing that sometimes, screwing you over when you least expect it. After the war things were pretty shitty for just about everyone Ginny especially, she lost her whole family in one attack from the death eaters only a week before we went into battle. That was almost three years ago now, my god, has it really been that long? The final battle is so vivid in my mind it could have happened yesterday, and yet it seems a million years ago, back when we were all together. Ron, Ginny, Draco, Neville, Luna, Harry and I, we stuck together until that last week, when everything sort of fell apart.

Two days after Ginny's wedding Draco came to tell Harry and I that he was leaving for the U.S., he had signed up for The Mad-Eye Moody Commemorative Auror Training School's most intense program. The MEMCAT School was made with late Auror Mad-Eye Moody in mind, and I've heard the training is grueling. I apparated over to the military-esque school to see him on his birthday this Sunday evening; when I found his room he was sitting alone staring out the window completely pissed. I sat with him for a while, but he wasn't interested in talking, so I finally just got up and left. I ran into his roommate as I was leaving, and asked him how Draco was doing. He said he was really quite all the time, he did his work without complaining, and every weeknight he went through a couple bottles of Fire whiskey, just sitting and looking out the window, alone.

I wish there was something I could do for him, I've tried to get Harry to come visit with me, but he always says he has too much work to catch up on. I think he is still broken up about the war, so many people died, whole families were wiped out, and of course Luna. Poor Luna she was kidnapped by Voldemorts death eaters only a day after Ron and the rest of the Weasleys were murdered, she's the reason why the final battled happened when it did. Harry wanted so badly to get to her before it was to late, he went into battle without thinking. He misses her so much it's heart wrenching, they had only just gotten back together after a fight when everything went wrong. He's so sad all the time, I thought it would get better, but it's taking longer then I expected. He smiled for the first time last month, and a few times since then, every time is lips curve up into that beautiful smile I just want to hug him and never let him go. But it's been so long since Harry has let me, or anyone else for that matter, get close to him, I miss the old Harry, but I guess that Harry died a long time ago.

It seems like life is almost over when to most it's just beginning, how I wish I could go back and make things better. Not only for myself, but for everyone; Ginny who wanted to escape her memories of the war by marrying someone who wasn't involved, Draco, who loved her with all his heart, Ron, who died defending his family, Luna, who never betrayed our secrets through the dark lords torture, and Harry, who will forever mourn her death. Life seems like it only gets worse as you try to make the past better, and the only way to get through it is keep going. It's like that saying: if you're going through hell keep going. There always seems to be another battle to fight, another love to find, and another day to endure.

I can't sleep from all the thoughts jumbled in my head; I have to write them down before they devour me from the inside out. I've tried so hard to be positive, to keep up the act of a happy member of society, but the mental strain of keeping a smile on my face is starting to wear on me. I feel like a traitor just writing this down, as if someone will see it, and accuse me of being weak, being a traitor to my friends, to Harry who needs me to be strong, Harry who doesn't even notice when I walk into a room anymore. I was supposed to be the optimistic one, and I was, until that last week after Ron died, and before the final battle.  
There is no sense in dwelling on the past, the past is in the past, and all that's left is the future, even if you don't like the way life is going and you feel like giving up, you can't turn back. Life only goes in one direction, and that's foreword, no matter how many time turners you have or how far back you go, you can't change the past, sometimes you have to relive little bits, but nothing you do will be any different then from what originally happened. I learned that lesson long ago, not long after the end of third year. You can't rewind life; the most important thing is to go on living and breathing.

While the past has been sad, and what's done is done, there is always the present, and the future, and it's infinite possibilities. As long as you go on breathing, one of these days it will get better.

With Love Hermione Granger


End file.
